My ESPN ‘Best Ball Challenge’ Fantasy Golf Team

Okay, okay, I know what you’re thinking…fantasy golf? Really? I admit the concept sounds stupid, but it really is pretty cool. Plus, it’s free! It’s called “Best Ball Challenge” and it’s hosted through ESPN. You get a specified amount of money, and have to spend it on the players that can give you the most bang for the buck. I went with Tiger and VJ for obvious reasons, but they were pretty expensive. So I found a mid-level and a low-level that I could fit under the $$ limit to round out the foursome (you have to pick four). I decided that 2 champs and 2 cheapies were better than say, 4 mid- to high-level players.

After each of the 37 tournaments this season, the players’ values change based on their performance. If they go up, you’re in luck – because the price you hired them at is locked. If the values go down, you can re-negotiate to get that player at the lower amount. That frees up funds. You can also drop/add players whenever you wish.

MY STRATEGY: As the season progresses, I will keep checking values and renegotiating whenever I can. Naturally, a player’s value should curve up and down through the season. As I free up funds, I’ll keep dropping and upgrading the lowest-valued player to the max that I can afford at that time. I’ll rely on Tiger and VJ to bring in the points at first, until I can work my way up the roster.

Want your own fantasy golf team? Click here. You can compete against me. I’m in the “300 is a good score” group. My entry is called “Balls of Fire”.

What’s next? I think I’m going to start my own “Fantasy Diving” team, or maybe “Fantasy Table Tennis”.

Kermit the Frog and Sesame Street’s Ernie Have the Same Voice!

No lie! I listened to some clips of both of them talking, and they have the exact same voice. I can’t believe I never noticed it before. Obviously, they are both visual characters, so you don’t need to hear their voices to recognize them. And when Ernie opens his mouth, you’re not thinking about Kermit (and vice versa) so you would probably never make the connection.

And I’m not just saying Jim Henson does the voices – I’m saying he uses the same voice for both characters. Think about it…imagine Ernie saying “Hiya, Bert. Whatchya doin’ with that newspaper, Bert? Are you reading it, Bert?” Now imagine Kermit saying, “Hi-ho, this is Kermit the Frog. We’ve got a very special production for you this evening.” SAME VOICE.

When I heard the voices on the radio together, I was blown away. Seriously! Now this is news!

ESPN College Pick'Em 2006 Results

This college football season I participated in the ESPN College Pick’Em. Every week for 13 weeks, you have to pick the winners in 10 different college matchups, and assign each game a unique confidence point level from 1 - 10. At the end of the season, I had amassed 588 points out of a total possible 715. I ended up beating Mike Golic by 5 points, which was the whole point of the game. I finished in the top 93% of all contestants, but still came in 16,191st place. Sounds good, but you know what they say… 16,191st is the 16,190th loser! You can view my ESPN fantasy profile here: http://my.espn.go.com/profile/user?tab=fantasy&id=44845815# .

While we’re on the subject of sports, how great is it that Miami finished 6-6, just like FSU? I thought we were having a horrible season, but as long as Miami is doing as crappy as us, that makes it all OK. Besides, they lost their head coach over it, and we only lost our offensive coordinator (which is a real blessing in my opinion). Coincidentally, we were also both 3-5 in the ACC.

How funny would it be if FSU had to play Miami in a bowl game? We could both be in the “Freeze Your Keister Off” bowl in North Dakota or something.

It Happened One Morning on the Way to Work

Last Friday I forgot to “cook” breakfast before I left for work – which means I forgot to microwave a Jimmy Dean sausage, egg and cheese croissant breakfast sandwich. So on my way to work I stopped by a Burger King that sits off of Hwy 77 in a Winn-Dixie parking lot. Naturally, I ordered the Number 1 breakfast combo (sausage, egg and cheese croissant breakfast sandwich). It comes with little round hashbrowns and a Coke.

This particular Burger King is extremely fast in delivering orders, and I still had my change in my hand when the cashier handed me my bag. Well, trying to keep up the fast service, I set the bag onto the passenger seat and drove away. I saw that the traffic was really thick on the highway and knew it would be time-consuming to try and get across the opposite lanes, so I decided to take Hwy 390 as an alternate route.

To get to 390, I had to make a succession of left-hand turns around the Burger King and then maneuver through the Winn-Dixie parking lot. Keep in mind I have dollars and coins in my left hand, and a straw and napkins in my right hand, so don’t judge me when I tell you I was steering with my elbows. The first turn went okay, but I cut the second turn a little too sharp which sent the food bag careening onto its side, and I could hear “plop, plop, plop” as the hashbrowns began rolling out of the bag and onto the floorboard one by one.

I needed to regroup. I pulled into the nearest Winn-Dixie parking space and set the bag upright, saving about five hashbrowns. I calmly put my change into the tray, the bills in my wallet and the wallet into my pocket. I put the napkins into the glove box and put the straw into the drink. Now to clean up the spilled hashbrowns. I unlocked the passenger’s side door and went around to that side of the car. I opened the door and began collecting the hashbrowns.

This part is very critical - no hashbrown ever touched the pavement, or left my hand. In fact, I was picking them up with one hand and placing them into the other very discreetly and efficiently. Soon though, I realized there were gulls flocking all around me. Now, I’m no ornithological expert, but I honestly think these birds could smell the grease from the hashbrowns. They couldn’t have possibly seen the fried potatoes. I know for a fact that when I got out of the car, there weren’t any birds around. Then all of a sudden the sky went black. It’s like they could smell the hashbrowns from a distance - kind of like sharks smell blood in the water - and they reacted with the same voracity. It was like a feeding frenzy!

I had just finished picking up the mess when I heard the first “splat!” Then another, and then it sounded like it was slowly raining big, fat raindrops. Oh, yeah. You know what it was. The hungry, ravenous birds were bombarding me in anger! I’m sure the first few “bombs” were warning shots, but I saw the look in their eye, and they saw the fear in mine. I didn’t dare give in, or they would dive and possibly end up in the car. I carefully put the hashbrowns back into the bag (after emptying its remaining contents), and then made for the driver’s side door. As soon as I shut the passenger’s side door, the birds knew they weren’t getting anything, so they stopped with the niceties and came in for the kill. I had to dance around the car avoiding the aerial assault. I probably looked ridiculous, but I was trying to avoid getting hit. And they were laying it on thick.

I jumped into the driver’s seat and surveyed my clothes to make sure I didn’t get hit. I didn’t. Still not sure how I managed that - I’m not that great of a dancer. But the birds weren’t leaving. I started driving away. The birds followed me. Not wanting to show up to work with a flock of angry gulls in tow, I hatched a plan. There was a delivery truck unloading near the front doors of the Winn-Dixie, so I drove as close to it as possible. When I was right beside it, I tossed out one hashbrown and the birds took the bait. They dove for that piece of fried potato and every one of the nefarious creatures began fighting over it. I wipped around the back of the truck, and drove away as fast as I could using the truck as cover. The birds must have gotten confused, because they didn’t follow me.

Even after I was safely away from the store, I checked the rear-view mirror expecting to see a mad flock of gulls coming in low and fast. But, to my relief, they were nowhere to be found. I said a silent prayer of thanks, and continued on to work.

My Celebrity Look-a-Likes

Okay, Denzel I get...but the others?

"Orbital Groove" comes in at #11 in the August 1000 Mosh

Every month, AcidPlanet.com randomly selects 1000 songs from all the songs uploaded in the previous month. My song Orbital Groove was selected, and came in at #11! That’s out of 1000. Awesome!

Mosh voting works like this - you listen to two songs, and pick the one that sounds the best. That’s it! So my song beat out 989 others. If you listen to some of the songs that are below me in the top 25, you’ll find some great compositions—making 11th place pretty sweet! Plus, it’s decided by other AcidPlanet members, so that means a lot.

Usually, I do a lot of mosh voting to help push my song along, but this time I was voting in the Sueca Contest Mosh, not the August 1000. So my song reached #11 all on it’s own. Cool!

We're on National TV!!

Angela and I at a recent Florida State game - Angela's on the left, I'm on the right.

Saturday, 09-23-06, my wife and I went to Tallahassee and watched a Florida State game. It was against Rice University, and we completely stomped them. We bought our tickets online, so we got to choose where we sat. We found ROW 1 tickets in Section 14, which is right on the goal line. The reason that they were still available was because they were earmarked for Rice, but only a few of their fans felt like traveling all the way from Texas to watch them get beat.

So we were in the first row on the goal line. It was awesome! FSU won 55 - 7, so there were plenty of awesome plays. We got to see the Seminoles punch it into the end zone, and later run it in right along our sideline. We really had a great time. The Rice mascot (an owl named Sammy) kept taunting us, but I shook his hand as a sign of sportsmanship.

The game was nationally televised in front of millions of viewers on ESPN U, and being that we were on the goal line there were plenty of opportunities for us to be on camera. Plus, the Noles been having trouble with their running game, so this clip of Booker's breakout run was probably on SportsCenter--which makes me like, a D-list celebrity (think Carrot Top).

So the next time someone says, "Don't I know you from somewhere?" I can say, " Do you watch SportsCenter? Well then, yes, you do know me!"

Big Bear Clizzle is The Shizzle!

After leaving the house this morning on my way to work, I realized I had forgotten to eat breakfast. Normally, I have a Jimmy Dean suasage, egg and cheese croissant breakfast sandwich. (Mmm, mmm!)

I had to stop and get gas, so I didn't have enough time to hit a drive thru. So once I got to work, I clocked in and headed for the snack machines. I put my dollar in before I looked through the glass, however, and I didn't see anything I wanted. When I pressed the coin return button, I got back $1.50 in quarters! Bonus! Party! Now I had six quarters in my hot little hand and I was off on my quest.

I headed downstairs and found the Cloverleaf Big Bear Claw at the first machine on the ground floor, but the Cloverleaf Big Texas Cinnamon Roll was behind a package of Ms. Freshley's doughnuts. I hit two more breakrooms, but couldn't locate an accessible 'Big Tex'.

I finally found one at the break room furthest from my cube, on the ground floor nearest the cafeteria. Both items were only 75 cents each, so it worked out nicely. Why did I seek out 'Big Tex' so diligently? Hello! The Cloverleaf Big Texas Cinnamon Roll Won the 2005 and 2006 Automatic Merchandiser 'Pastry of the Year'. That should be enough right there! It's taste is the stuff of legend.

And...it used to be my favorite. But after trying the Big Bear Claw today, I've changed my mind. The 'Big Bear' now reigns supreme as the ultimate snacking adventure; a gooey goliath that dominates the pre-packaged pastry industry. Look out, 'Big Tex', 'Big Bear' has got a message for you--better enjoy all the perks that come with your prestigious award, becuase he's coming for you in 2007!

Why Today Cannot Be Opposite Day

As a kid, it always bothered me when my brother or sister would turn my answer around by saying, “Nuh-uh…today’s Opposite Day! No means yes!” And then they would barge into my room, cannibalize my LEGO house for the parts, write on me with crayons, or do some other thing that I had told them not to do. It bothered me because the idea of an ‘Opposite Day’ was not only ludicrous, it was impossible.

The argument is easy enough. It’s not a designated day, so it’s just up to an individual to declare. But if someone says, “Today’s Opposite Day” then they’ve just negated what they’ve stated and it’s really not.

So there!

I'm an Aries?? Really??

No, not really...

All my life I've been a Pisces. Y'know, the two fish circling each other constantly in perpetual turmoil? Yeah, that's me all the way. But if you check my profile, you'll see that I'm an Aries!

Okay, okay...so my birthday is March 20, which is right on the edge. I'm always the last day in Pisces. Several respectable publications like The Enquirer and The Farmer's Almanac will back this up.

My first thought was, "My God, the planets have left their courses and the galaxy is headed for imminent destruction!" I guess Blogger.com might have made some sort of mistake, but c'mon...this is the internet! Grand bastion of truth and warehouse of accurate information.

I checked my profile to make sure I had entered my birthday correctly - I had. I then checked out some online horoscopes, y'know, to rule out the whole 'end of the universe' thing, and they confirmed that I'm a Pisces. Whew!

Maybe Blogger.com is using some horoscope list that was made in Taiwan, or China. No, that can't be right...they got it right on the 'Year of the Horse' thing. I don't know...all I can say is, I guess you can't believe everything you read on the internet (sniffle, sniffle). Except what you read on this blog, of course!